50 Things I’ve Learned in my Half Century of Life

Half a Century!  Well, when you put it that way it seems SOOOOOOO, ummm, O*L*D.  Ahhh, but some time ago I refused to use 2 words simultaneously — “OLD” and “AGE”, so let’s re-phrase, shall we?  How about this:

Half a Century = 50 years YOUNG = Seasoned = Wise = Experienced = Slightly Tired = Occasionally Rickety = Finally Uninterested in what others think about me = Intolerant of Bullsh*t = Fabulously Free to BE!

So here goes … and these are in no particular order – simply free-flowing thought …

I’ve learned that –

1. The sun on my skin rejuvenates me and fills me with happiness.
2. Add warm air to that sun and there’s no holding back the full-face smiles.
3. Life cannot be scripted with expectations of how things “should” go.
4. Writing is my ultimate form of expression.
5. Attention and flattery come cheap, and I’m “with it” enough to see through it.
6. Anyone can say they are my friend.  Only a few truly are.
7. The ocean, in all its beauty, mystery and awe is where I am most “home”.
8. True devotion costs a lot.
9. Passion cannot be learned or forced.  It is innate.
10. People CAN change.  It’s just a matter of whether they really, truly want to.
11. Healthy FEAR keeps me from danger.  Unhealthy FEAR keeps me from living.
12. Music, especially lyrics, connects with me on a very deep level.  Know my music.  Know me.
13. Exercise channels all the toxins, the pent up frustrations, anger, the confusion, the pain and allows a very specific release.  I always, always, always feel better afterwards.
14. I don’t NEED to walk to the beat of anyone’s drum but my own.
15. Aging is a privilege.  The alternative is  … well, 6 feet below ground.
16. There’s no perfect parent, much less me.  But somehow my 3 grown children have become decent human beings and an asset to society.  Maybe I should pat myself on the back a little.
17. Life NEVER turns out how you thought (Note #3 on this list).
18. Forgiveness is less about the other person’s wellbeing and more about my own.
19. Showing mercy, grace and compassion is my ultimate kindness to those around me.
20. I can try to be all things to all people … until I can’t.
21. Giving my ALL to being disciplined is hard, hard work and requires learning how to say NO to myself and to others on the daily.
22. Having an identity outside of “house and home” is vital.
23. People don’t always have to agree with or understand the things that make me tick.  And I shouldn’t shine any dimmer just because they don’t “get me”.
24. To learn how to make sacrifices is the key to discipline.
25. I find freedom in a schedule because I know what to expect and when to expect it.  I know when I have to be ON and when I can turn OFF for a spell.
26. Rest and recovery are imperative for longevity.
27. I get thirsty when I drink more water, not the other way around.
28. Life goes on, especially for others … no matter what I may be going through.
29. Quitting on myself is absolutely, positively NOT an option.
30. No matter what, someone is always watching and therefore my actions or non-actions are always an example to someone.
31. There are some things that only my girlfriends know about me – and they usually come with dark chocolate when it’s time to talk.
32. It’s ok to be a total badass in the gym and turn around and demonstrate feminine finesse on the dance floor.
33. Short hair doesn’t mean “un-feminine”.  And what an antiquated, small-minded view.  The definition of “un-feminine” is male body parts and I don’t have those, so …
34. So many people have opinions of things or places or situations they’ve never experienced.  I need not worry what they think.
35. My business is about the relationships I build with every person with whom I come in contact.  Once my business starts to move away from that and becomes something else, I may as well close my doors.
36. I don’t know everything.  Nor do I pretend to.  But I’ll research to find an answer!
37. Difficulty in life is no respecter of persons, even if you dot your “i’s” and cross your “t’s”.
38. People make time for the people and the things they truly want to.
39. My excuses do not give me a pass to quit.
40. Get to really know someone before formulating a wrong opinion of them.
41. Being ethical in my business, even to my own demise, is a top priority.
42. Change doesn’t always have to be scary and embracing it may make the passage easier to navigate.
43. What they say is true, not you, me or anyone can out-exercise poor eating/drinking habits.
44. Whimsy, fun, laughter should ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS be a part of life.
45. And if they make you laugh, like split your sides, tears down your face laugh — they are worth keeping.
46. Hiding behind being busy doesn’t make whatever I’m hiding go away.
47. Show up.  Every day.
48. It does me no favors to play small, to dim my light, or not stand firm for what I believe.
49. My faith in the God who loves me is integral to who I am now or ever hope to be.
50. No matter what, I’ve learned to GET BACK UP, to keep fighting, striving.  Knock me down — I won’t stay down by choice.  If I can’t get up right away, in my mind I’m standing tall nonetheless.

 

 

 

 

Diary of a Mad, Menopausal Woman

Just yesterday I was “normal”, whatever that means.  But truly, I was.  I am sure of it, I think.  I mean … it feels like it was just yesterday, right?  C’mon foggy brain, you can do this.  You can remember.  Perhaps “normal” is or was or should be overrated anyway.  Does it even matter?  YES!  YES it does matter.  Hence this diary.  Stay on task foggy brain.  Seriously.  You can do this.

Let’s throw out a few definitions before we begin.

Diary:  the telling of a tale.  To admit to something, come to a realization, to be enlightened enough or have that “something” be important enough to write it down for the entire universe to see. (OK … melodramatic and yes, quite daunting)

Mad:  as in angry, yes, but also crazy, freaked out, disturbed, maniacal, borderline psycho and quite often a complete nutcase swinging from the vines of emotionalism

Menopausal:  the bane of aging, the bewitching of body, mind and spirit, the unfair continuum of the curse of menses that follows us to our graves (and perhaps drags us there kicking and screaming in our maddened state of existence)

Woman:  Simply put … NOT man.  Doubtful a man could even handle any of the above.

As I was saying, just yesterday I was normal.  And then, I was not.  Just like that.  I blinked, snapped my fingers, turned my head and “Normal” snuck out the door.  That’s ok.  I am not one who strives to be like everyone else anyway.  So, in an attempt to embrace my un-normalness, I reach for that proverbial superhero cape (it’s a deep, sensuous red in my mind), sling it around my shoulders, bend over slightly due to the new found pain in my hip (bone loss perhaps?) and don that sucker like nobody’s business.  I stand there in my closet with my hands on my hips … deep in my own super hero imagination.  Why did I come in here?  There was something specific I came looking for.  It wasn’t clothing or shoes, I’m pretty sure.  I drop my arms from their best ever Wonder Woman place on my hips (Ouch! That right hip still hurts).   To preserve brain power, I walk out of the closet none the wiser as to why I entered it in the first place.  Foggy Brain = 1.  Normal Me = 0.  I lose again.

The numbers on the clock at night burn a hole in my head.  I watch them like a creepy peeping Tom … eyes wide open and a weird look on my face.  Interesting, those digital numbers.  Do you know which numbers on a digital clock have the same amount of lighted lines as the number itself?  I raise my hand as if I am a 1st grader …. “Oh Oh, I know the answer.  Pick me!  Pick me!”  The number 4 and the number 5.  Aha!  All that creepy staring is good for something!

 I watch the clock as the 2, as in A.M., turns into a 3.  Only a couple hours left to attempt sleep.  I give up trying.  My zombie self rises as if it is coming up out of the depths of the Earth.  Another all-nighter, which also means another wrecked day of walking around in a daze.  Thank you, Menopause.  This means so much.

Are there calories in the air?  If I sniff something delectable will I gain weight?  I’m a trainer, a fitness trainer.  I’ve worked hard to maintain a lean, muscular physique.  Not to worry … I still have it despite the capital M in menopause.  If you know me personally, don’t roll your eyes when you read this, but my body is changing.  No, it’s not drastic (yet) but I can tell, and quite frankly that’s all that matters.  Primary areas of concern that have been affected by the capital M:  abdominal, hips, thighs, butt.  Instead of being the separate, wonderful entities that they are (ahem, or rather, WERE), they have begun to appear amalgamated into more of an amorphous single unit.  It’s like they each lifted their Power Rangers rings, fist bumped them together while screaming, “Power Rangers Unite!”  Each area that has been affected by the capital M has brought along a suitcase for the journey … filled with those 2 sexy figure killers that start with the letter C.  Cellulite and Crepey skin.  Again, Lady M, job well done.  This sucker punch is the loveliest of it’s kind.  I applaud you.

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Some of the running dialogue in my head … and “M”s sneering responses … making a mockery of what has become of me (at her own manipulative hand.  I hate her!)

Me: They were here just a minute ago … my reading glasses!  M: They are on your head.

Me: My keys.  Not in my purse.  Not on the counter.  I’m late!  M: Haha!  They are in the ignition.

Me: Sure, I can meet you for coffee!  M: No. You have a job, remember?  

Me: Let me put my shoes on real quickly.  M: Be careful.  You now fall over standing on one foot.

Me: I can’t wait to go running.  M: Do you hear that clicking sound?  Is it your knees, spine, hips or all of the above?  And … make sure there’s a restroom always close by!

Me:  How old am I?  Oh, I’m 45.  M:  No you’re not.  You’re 47.  Don’t be so flighty.

Me: There was a point to this story.  M:  Yes, and you’ve forgotten it like you do many things.

Me: I love you but I want to murder you.  M: Mood swings, have we?

Me: The food on my plate looks blurry.  M: Reading glasses.  They are on top of your head.

Me: Please just leave me alone!!!!  M:  I thought you said you were lonely. 

Me:  I want ______ (fill in the blank).  No I don’t.  Yes I do.  M:  If made it so that you have no idea what you want anymore.

Me:  I’m just so tired.  M: You just woke up.  I love we get to spend all night hanging out!

Me:  Give me my coffee and no one gets hurt!  M: You are very serious and could end up on the news this evening.  Not to worry, I’m responsible but I’ll let you take the fall.

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It’s blazing hot in here.  I remember watching my grandmother pick up anything that she could use as a makeshift fan, wave that fan around her face and say, in her sweet, Southern twang, “Ewwwww, Lordy, Lordy.  I’m havin’ me a tropical heat waaa-aave!”   Remember the sexy red super hero cape I slung around my shoulders?  Well, it disguises itself.  It’s actually the Villain, not the Super Hero.  It takes the form of boiling heat that creeps up my back, waving its hot fiery edges up my spine.  Once it gets to about shoulder height, the cape of fire wraps itself around the front of my body, hovers there long enough to make me miserable and then swooshes up my face, leaving sweat all over my brow and escaping like a thief in the night out of my skull.  I’m sure that my eyes have turned to flaming hot laser beams and if I opened my mouth, dragon flames would exit from within and scorch anyone or anything in sight.  M …. go on with your bad, hot self, because of course, we know you will, especially after we’ve put on make up to cover up the strange skin tone we now have and are giving a presentation in front of a room full of people.  Lady M …. or shall I call you “Your Hotness” this is not remotely funny, but always ill-timed and has mean girl tendencies.  I have a mind to strangle you once and for all, but it just makes me too hot to think about following through.

I’m freezing!  I need a blanket.  A thick, heavy blanket.  Yes.  I realize it is the dead of summer.  But you aren’t me, so shut your trap and bring me that blanket before I murder you.  And be sure to keep one eye open while you are sleeping too, because you are just under my skin all day, every day and I just can’t take you anymore.  You would think that any of the excess adipose tissue (look it up, people.  I’m not explaining it to you) that the capital M has brought into my life would help insulate me.  No indeed.  It’s not going to work in my favor at all …. ever.  So I remain cold.  Like, old lady cold.  Like, grandma wrapped up in a sleeping bag (okay, there’s a name for those blankets, but for the life of me I can’t think of it), wearing thick wool socks PLUS slippers and a cute little hat she knitted herself, sitting in her cloth chair that is sitting in front of a floor heater cold.  FREEZING!  But all I have to do is wait a few minutes and the sexy, red Villain Cape will appear and burn me to smithereens.

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Do I have to get out of bed?  Yes, yes, I know I have to wash the sheets because there’s a sweat ring that may become permanent if left unattended.  But I really don’t think I have it in me today to even greet the world, much less these people who happen to live in the same house as I.  Who are these people anyway?  Not even coffee has the power in its “drip, drip” melody or its sweet, nutty scent to drag me up out of the abyss, pull me into the shower and the whole rigmarole it takes to be presentable to the world and to these people.  I’ve decided I’m not adulting today, or mommying, or wifeying, or trainering, or friending, or Mimi-ing.  (oh yeah … I forgot to tell you that I am, indeed, a grandmother).  The world seems like a dim, dreary, black hole place today.  I just want to stay under the covers, that is, until the sexy red Villain Cape attacks me again, and again, and again.

I don’t know why.  Stop asking me!  No, I’m not all right.  OK, maybe I am just fine but I’m pretty sure the world is coming to an end.  The sadness is overcoming me.  Tears.  Tears.  Tears.  I couldn’t get the top off of the jar of peanut butter today.  Tears.  The World is coming to an end!  I think I can see the imprint of my belly button in this tank top.  Tears.  The World is coming to an end!  We ran out of Puffs tissues; the drinking glass slipped out of my hand and broke into a million, zillion, kabillion pieces; I exercised 3 days this week instead of 5; I get hot flashes while I’m trying to enjoy a bath; this TV commercial about dogs in shelters is just way too much for me to handle … will no one rescue them?  Tears.  Tears.  Tears.  The World is coming to an end!   Menopause, I have to admit, your flare for the dramatic is somewhat admirable.  Always in character, you are.

You must die.  There’s nothing more to be said or done.  (Dear Reader, do not get your panties in a bundle with the vulnerability I risk to tell you how I FEEL when you know good and well that often times you feel the exact same way).  I know that murder is frowned upon, but desperate times make for desperate measures.  Menopause has decreed that in most cases, murder is acceptable.  Perhaps you are the idiot driver who nearly pushed me off the side of the road.  You must die.  Or maybe you are the young, dumb 20-something waltzing around in the gym (like you even know what you are doing or could ever take me in an arm wrestling match).  You must die.  Oh, you are the teeny tiny clasp on my favorite bracelet and you decide to break causing the millions of beads in my favorite bracelet to scatter themselves across the globe, never to be found again?  Yes, you too must die.  Family members?  Well, I’d have to think long and hard about your demise at my own bare hands.  I may allow you to live, though my rage is piping hot in this very moment, so I’d steer clear if I were you.  The squeaky door hinge that for the life of me sounds louder and louder and more annoying by the second.  I will single-handedly break down that door, rip it from its noisy hinge and murder it on site.  You must die.  And I alone shall be the last woMAN standing!

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Here’s a bit of advice …. you may want to tread lightly around the Mad Menopausal Woman.  I would if I were you.  She loves you yet loathes you all at the same time.  Her life is upside down and she knows full well how cray cray she is (gentle hint here to NOT remind her!).  She’ll get it figured out, at least, I know I will, because I’m a fighter like that.  Eventually I’ll take control of all the things I CAN control and I will learn to accept the things I cannot.  Oh, I’m not there yet on the “accepting” part.  (Note the previous “You must die” paragraph above).  There’s still too much fight in me (and rage, and angst, and deep seeded anger, and sadness, and exhaustion, and sleepless nights, and moments of lucidity surrounded by moments of NON lucidity, and confusion mixed with clear headed confidence, hopelessness mixed with resolve for experiencing brighter days ahead).  Let’s just say it’s all a work in progress.  Best to ride the waves alongside me, but mind you, I’d keep a little distance.  Please be patient and kind even though I am NOT always such.  Don’t badger me and MOST IMPORTANTLY, Do Not, by any means laugh at me or make a mockery of how I feel.  (Note again the “You must die” paragraph above).  Love me through the good, the bad and the ugly until we make it safely to the other side.

So until further notice, I will disrespectfully remain yours truly …

~Mad, Menopausal Woman

LIEability

I was deep in my own head the other day.  There’s a lot that swirls around in there – a veritable storm most days not unlike a tornado that blows through and violently collects all things in its path, mixes them together and creates havoc.  There’s the gamut of right brain emotions that get thrown into the funnel alongside my left brain’s logic, both of which are stirred into the mix of my memories, my fears, doubts and feel-good hormones.  Then the winds pick up and the not-so-feel-good hormones have a grand entrance into the turbulence while the homeostasis side of my brain tries its best to be ring leader, bringing order and peace to the equation.

Somewhere amidst the commotion I pick up on a very real and present message that is flung into the mix.  It’s just a wee “tic-tac” sized statement that, after rubbing shoulders with all the other elements of the tornado, masquerades as TRUTH but is indeed an alive and real LIE.  It hangs there in the balance for a split second and then dares me to make a choice as to its credibility.  In that moment of deciphering, my mind can turn into a deadly weapon.  When I am cognitively aware of my mind’s sword-wielding, I am able to label it — define it — and deflect its blows to my psyche.  I call it LIE-ability:  the responsible party (my mind) that has the innate ability to create and toss around lies and mask those lies as truth.

The mind is a funny thing.  It whispers messages about us based on our current moods, emotions, stress levels, how we view the world around us, how we view US in that world.  Sometimes our minds know how to soothe us, pacify us, create homeostasis — a sense of peace and order.  But most times, when mixed with the storm of emotions, feelings, insecurities and fears, our minds become our greatest LIEability and we are forced to make a choice what we believe to be TRUTH.

Because I am a fitness trainer, own a fitness business, greet my clients at the door with positivity and motivation, write inspirational fitness blogs, blah, blah, blah, perhaps you would believe that I don’t have the same kinds of struggles that others do, or even that you do.  Trust me, I do.  Many times it is harder for me to recognize my own mind’s LIEability ploys than those of my clients. Wanna know my own brain’s LIEabilities?  Take a look at the self sabotage that goes on during my tornado storms …

The LIEability:  “What do you really have to offer anyone?  You should just quit now while you’re ahead” .    Fueled by The Tired, Burned-Out Tornado

The LIEability:  “You’re no athlete, just a wanna be.”   Fueled by the Insecure Tornado and the Comparison to Others Tornado

The LIEability:  “Discipline means perfection.  If you aren’t perfect, then you can’t call yourself disciplined.”  Fueled by the Perfectionist Tornado

The LIEability:  “You’ve tried and failed before.  Maybe it’s time to stop trying, otherwise you are a hypocrite.”    Fueled by the Fear of Failure Tornado and the Fear of What Others Might Think Tornado

The LIEability:  “You just got lucky.  It wasn’t years and years of hard work and experience or actual skill that has brought about your success.  In and of yourself, you’re no expert.”    Fueled by the Disbelief in Self Tornado

The LIEability:  “Hormones rule the day, you can’t fight them so why try?  You’re not worth fighting for.”    Fueled by the Moody Hormone Tornado

The LIEability:  “You have a genetic predisposition for weight gain with your short stature and your athletic build.  There’s nothing you can do to change this fact, so eat whatever you want because it doesn’t matter anyway.  Good thing big butts are in because otherwise you are just ‘stocky’ and that’s not feminine enough.”    Fueled by the Fatalistic Mentality Tornado and the Living Up to Society’s Standards Tornado

Oh, there’s more.  Much, much more that goes on in the recesses of that mind of mine.  Not all of it is negative, but it’s the negative that I find I have to FIGHT on the daily.  What do we do with these outright LIES that we, ourselves, have created?  Often times the LIES win because we put trust in them, believing they are truth, at least on some levels.  If we buy into the LIE — on ANY level — we have given fuel to the fire of whatever tornado is causing the disingenuous belief system in the first place.

I can usually peg a client’s belief in a full-blown lie about him/herself.  It’s pretty obvious.  Maybe it is unbeknownst to them, but they move around life with the LIE as their belief system about the world around them and how they view themselves in that distorted world.  It saddens me.  This tendency to believe a lie about oneself is not in any way reserved for women only.  Oh … the men I work with have the same struggle.  Their struggle is sometimes a little harder to peg because they tend to hide behind their own machismo or they don’t allow themselves to be as vulnerable to me, a female trainer, as do my female clients.  The violent tornado winds inside the mind are no respecter of persons.  I can’t say that I’m always correct in my analysis of another’s LIEability, but usually I’m somewhere in the ballpark.  Here are some of the things I see, and it breaks my heart to come to an understanding of how people view themselves … especially when the view is through the lens of a full-blown LIE, drummed up inside that person’s own mind, based on the torrent of life experiences that has that person turning a sword onto him/herself.

I’m unattractive.       I don’t have value.           

 I use exercise as a punishment because I have NO DISCIPLINE.       

 I don’t deserve to love myself.     I’m unloveable.   

My entire family is overweight and so am I, so I don’t believe I can be successful.     

I’m a failure. 

 I never measure up to other people’s standards, much less my own.     

I was treated horribly as a child and don’t deserve kindness.   

 I could never make lasting changes. 

I should just quit because that’s who I am — a Quitter.       

 I CAN’T. 

I’m fat.     I was abused and deserve to carry shame the rest of my life. 

No one has fought for me in the past.  I don’t even fight for me.  I’m not worth the fight. 

These LIES are destructive.  They sabotage all the good things in life — the potential accomplishments, the “caterpillar to beautiful butterfly” transformation potential, the growth and development of self, the acceptance and love of oneself and the ability to allow others to give to you and also receive from you all the good ju-ju that comes from deep inside your own spirit.  I guess the key is to be able to recognize the LIES for what they are — UNTRUTHS.  To NOT buy into them, not allow them to linger in our heads until we start leaning into them.  And then — defining the time/place/event/conversation that enabled our minds to come up with the untruth in the first place.  When did it occur to you that you were unloveable?  And when did you start believing that you weren’t worth the fight?  Who said so?  Where did the negative thoughts begin?  And finally, when did you actually stop believing the truth about who you are and start looking at life through the lens of the LIE?

It’s not too late, you know.  For me, for you, for anyone to reverse the self sabotage.  I, you, don’t have to be defined by the swirling tornado of lies in our own heads.  We can take those negative thoughts captive, bathe them every day in TRUTH and slowly begin to view the world and view ourselves in that world differently.  It takes guts.  It takes a bold belief that we were made for more.  It takes courage of heart to dig deep into the recesses of the mind and dispel the negativity.  It takes insight and wisdom to deal with the memories, fears, doubts and all the other things that contribute to the swirling, turbulent winds that create a funnel of fury inside our heads.

Ahhh, but the calm after the storm — there’s nothing like it.  The view from the other side is breathtaking, freeing, beautiful.  I can, you can have a brand new lease on life based simply on what we believe about ourselves.  Soaring over the wreckage of the storm, we can be free from it.  No longer shackled by it.  But first, we must trust that truth is truth and lies are, well, LIES.

Now …. soar, my friend.  Fly like you’ve never flown before — head held high, unwavering resolve.  Fly in the face of your mind’s LIEability.  Bust open the seams and live out your TRUTH with all the courage and strength you can muster.  Rise upward to great heights, leaving the muck and mire of negativity behind and ascend to the exalted level of authenticity and TRUTH of self.  You can do it.  You deserve it, I promise!  And you’re worth every ounce of energy it takes to live and breathe and demonstrate to the world the TRUTHS of who you are.  The World is waiting for you to step up.  It needs your unaltered lens of truth because then and only then are you FREE to grant that same freedom to another to accept his/her own foundational truths and annihilate the tornado of LIES.  Pick up your own sword.  Go to war with your mind.  Take captive the negative thoughts and rise up, Kings and Queens of your own veracity!

 

That Tribal Dance

I love some good music and some fun dancing.  Sure, I’ve been known to do a little jig by myself in my kitchen while mindlessly cleaning or prepping meals for the upcoming week.  However, that’s not exactly the dance I have in mind here, though there are some very similar elements between what it takes for me to jig and jive in my kitchen and what I’ve found in my years of creating my own TRIBAL DANCE.

Being a wordsmith (or, likely what you would call a word NERD) I love a little play with words.  When I was teaching high school English, I remember being way too excited creating Vocabulary tests or finding the hidden meanings within the writings of Dickens, Shakespeare, Voltaire, Dumas and the like.  So, yes, call me a NERD.  Straight up.  I’m ok with it.

So what do I mean when I say, Tribal Dance?  Put simply, I mean, that DANCE of life with those I consider my TRIBE.  Let’s break that down for a second here ….

DANCE:  to move in a way that goes with the rhythm and style of music.  To move and guide someone.  To perform, engage.  To move about in a lively manner.  To bring into a specified condition. To attend in an eager manner.

Dancing requires active participation.  It can come by invitation from another or it can well up within oneself until it bursts forth, requiring a response.  Oh how I have loved my fitness dance throughout the years … my active participation, sometimes brought about by another’s invitation, sometimes bubbling over within me requiring me to MOVE my body.  This dance, for me, has played so many roles in my life.  I’ve “danced” my way into health and wellness and out of depression.  I’ve done a jig or two in the midst of stressful times and have come out the other side the better for it as I gave the stress toxins a way of escape.  My fitness dance in life has forced me to perform and engage — requiring an active role in learning new things and presenting those things to the world around me.

To name a few fitness “dances” I have learned over the years: 

Kickboxing, Step, Bike Club, Linear Double Step, Horizontal Double Step, Pilates, Aqua Aerobics, Silver Sneakers I, II, III, Indoor Cycling, Y Tri (Triathlon coaching), The BRICK (triathlon classes), Core Conditioning (1 full hour on, under and around a stability ball — VERY DIFFICULT, by the way), Swim Club, Rep Reebok, Gravity Training System, Run Club,  Fit Photage 12-week transformation program design, Kettlebell Training, TRX, Cross Core 180, Bodybuilding, Cardio Strength, Circuit Training, Bootcamps, Adventure Racing, Personal Training, Small Group Training, Altitude Training (when I lived at sea level and when I moved to altitude), Tempo training for weightlifting, Agility training, NPC competing, Athletic conditioning for athletes in specific sports, Speed training 

and believe it or not …. much more!!

This fitness dance has given me so much pleasure and has allowed me the ability to use all my God-given talents.  It has forced me to hone my skills, continuing to learn and grow and develop.  This dance has required an active role on my part — to participate, engage, to guide others along the way, to continuously move about in a “lively manner”.  It has become a very real, satisfying, positive part of living this life of fitness.

What about that “TRIBAL” piece?  How does that fit in?  Well, in a word, it has brought COMMUNITY to my dance.  My TRIBE.

TRIBE DEFINED:  a group of people that have the same language, customs, and beliefs.  A large FAMILY.  Synonyms include:  blood kin, kindred, among others.

My fitness dance only goes so far — if it remains in isolation.  But that TRIBAL DANCE … well, that changes things completely.  Sharing that dance with others of like mind, like spirit, people who speak the same language — sharing it with a fitness family makes all the difference in the world.  My TRIBE.  My BLOOD.  My KIN!  That’s a powerfully beautiful dance, indeed.

What does my tribe look like?  Who are they? 

*You, who after open heart surgery, came into my Spin class because you needed to “get back up”; you needed to keep moving, keep striving.  You didn’t want to give up.

*The woman who point blank asked, “What’s it gonna take for me to be able to work with you.  I want what you have to offer and I’ll go to whatever length it takes to secure your services.”

*Those who have broken down in front of me because life has dealt them a harsh card.  And they openly expressed to me what was going on (at which point all my energy was focused on them, right then and there.)

*The man who had never run in his life, but who did his first mud run side by side with me (there were nicknames given that weekend, too!)

*That Wednesday morning Cycling class in the pitch black, dark room with the black lights — the ones who understood my connection to intense music, how it drives me, how it moves me, how it gets into my head and produces something heroic.  All of you — those intense moments, you are my TRIBE.  (We had some very real “come to Jesus” moments, didn’t we?)

*The ones whose spouses up and left them high and dry, who experienced a loss of some sort, who understood pain at a very deep level and who used exercise to take them to the other side of their gut-wrenching process

*All the ones who had a 1st with me:  1st race, 1st competition, 1st personal best, 1st time hiring a personal trainer, entering a contest, signing up for something that scared them

*Those who taught me new things to add to my fitness dance:  triathlon swimming, snowshoe running, bodybuilding competing, skate skiing, hiking 14,000 ft mountains.  To you I say thank you for your patience with me and for helping me rise above myself.

*Those who have suffered in life, who have been handed a raw deal and who have overcome, who have risen up, who have not quit, not given excuses, not felt sorry for themselves.

*The men/women who never thought they could ________(fill in the blank)_________ and who proved that YES, THEY COULD!! (despite age, physical limitations, lack of innate abilities, and every other reason that they could’ve used to not try).

*The ones who have shared with me music that they instinctively know beyond a doubt that I will LOVE.  They understand me and realize they are sharing something with me that connects us.

*All those who have called me “friend” despite our trainer/client relationship.  Those who have wanted to move beyond that initial relationship and get to know what really makes me tick.  They’ve checked up on me.  They initiate.  They WANT to continue be part of my fitness dance despite the time and space between us.

Oh that TRIBAL DANCE.  I almost have no words for its affect on my life as a whole.  Doing fitness.  Doing life.  Dancing — moving in sync, in rhythm to life’s music.  There’s almost nothing better.  I don’t have the desire to be a 1-woman show.  I want MY TRIBE.  I need MY TRIBE.  It is what makes me successful not only professionally, but personally.  My world is made up of each of YOU.  Your input.  Your encouragement.  Your struggles.  Your victories.  And I hope I am stitched into the fabric of your dance as well.  That you know that I am your cheerleader.  That I’m not in competition with you but am dancing alongside of you.  That I’m spinning and twirling in your corner.

Oh that TRIBAL DANCE — may we continue to show up together, do this thing called fitness together, live this crazy life together, dance side by side, move together into the various phases of this journey … spinning, twirling, shining arm in arm!

 

 

 

Bypassing -vs- Passing By

NPC Warrior Classic Figure Competitor, Colorado

Ever wonder how some people seem to have off-the-charts discipline in their lives and others just can’t seem to pull it together if it killed them?  Maybe you are one of the Discipline Kings or Queens out there … leading the way, onward and upward!  Maybe you sit in a totally different camp, struggling with the focus and drive and energy it takes to simply get through the day without falling off the proverbial wagon.

I would dare say that in whichever camp you land, it took either a mindset shift to get you there or will take a mindset shift to get you out.  What do I mean?  Put simply, when push comes to shove and you are faced with that moment of truth — that very specific moment where you MUST decide whether to stick to the thing in which you are attempting a new discipline or give into that sloth on your shoulder that whispers in your ear to submit to your deep-down desire to NOT BE DISCIPLINED — when push comes to shove, do you BYPASS or do you PASS BY?

I understand that perhaps my opinion matters; perhaps it doesn’t.  Maybe you believe that I’m one of those Queens of Discipline and I don’t have struggles … that I’ve always been disciplined and will always remain disciplined.  Maybe you don’t know me at all and therefore what I have to say doesn’t change how you feel.  I can tell you from my own personal experience that Discipline, for me anyway, has come by trial and error, by failures, by continued effort, by intention rather than complacency.  It requires continuity of emotional energy and physical action plans and a “get back up”, “keep on keeping on” state of being.  Discipline hinges on my ability and determination to say NO to myself over and over and over again and to eliminate every obstacle (even those viable “excuses”) that crop up at the moment of truth.

So what do I mean when I ask about BYPASSING vs PASSING BY?  Let’s look first at the Passing By bit.  In my mind when I think of passing by I picture myself coming within close proximity of something, looking at it, considering it (taking it in – its shape, size, texture, color, how it appears in the light, what it means to me deep down in my soul), — CONSIDERING IT from all angles.  I’m looking at it directly, possibly staring, fixated.  All other things disappear for a split second and it’s just me and that thing.  Maybe I linger for a moment.  Perhaps I begin to long for it — whatever “it” is.  It’s close enough to engage all my senses:  taste, feel, smell, sound, see.  And in that moment of passing by, of getting up close and personal, I have a DECISION to make in the way of my DISCIPLINE.  Understand that there can be several of these “passing by” moments in a day.  Some of these moments occur of our own volition.  We CHOOSE to pass by something.  Other times we find ourselves passing by on accident … we just happened to be minding our business and suddenly we ended up in this particular place and time with this particular temptation (something that could easily derail our discipline).  And EVERY SINGLE TIME these passing by moments occur, there’s a confrontation with the path of discipline that I, you, have chosen for ourselves.  It’s the pivotal point.  What decision do I, you, WE make?  It is in these particular moments that we have to default to what the definition of Discipline is and what it takes to remain inside its realms (refer to paragraph above for a reminder about what it takes every day for ME to remain.)

Definition per Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary:  DISCIPLINE – Control that is gained by requiring that rules be obeyed.  A rule or system governing conduct or activity.  Self Control.  To impose order.  To train, develop and bring under control.

Passing by, especially if of our own volition, seems harmless.  What’s one little look gonna do?  Just a sniff … What’s so wrong with wishing for something, longing for it, pining after it?  Passing by allows for a potential catastrophic derailing, that’s what’s wrong with it.  It allows for disorder, a lack of self control (even fleeting).  It allows for emotions to govern the day rather than a conscious, well-planned and executed decision to govern our emotions.  Passing by is dangerous.  It is a chipping away at our resolve, especially if we find ourselves “passing by”, “strolling close to”, “tiptoeing” in enemy territory several times per day — even more so if we ALLOW ourselves.  Enemy territory?  Do I have to speak so dramatically?  YES.  YES I do.  You have to understand that it is a BATTLE!  And we can be heroes of our own fate or we can allow ourselves to become victims — victims of our own ongoing lack of discipline, our inability to stick to anything in order to accomplish the goal we have set before us.  Passing by has the ability to take us down every single time, losing those discipline battles right and left.

So what about Bypassing, you ask?  What do I mean by it?  Well … I believe that when a decision is made to being disciplined in an area of life, what should come with it is an attitude of Bypassing.  Synonyms?

  Avoidance.  Deflection.  Circumvention. Neglecting.  Ignoring.  Detour.  Circumnavigate.  Skirt.  Disregard.  Go Around rather than Go Through.

Bypassing temptation seems difficult at first.  It requires an iron-clad will and a mindset of sacrifice; that’s where the “saying no to oneself” comes into play.  Remember, one of the attributes of discipline is intention — being purposeful.  Bypassing something that is a temptation and that could easily derail discipline takes intention of will, intention of actions, intention of sacrifice, intention of saying NO.  It’s an avoidance of the temptation all together … a detour … disregarding it … circumnavigating AROUND IT rather than passing by it close enough to taste, feel, smell, touch and hear it.  Bypassing requires a plan and is a decision made in the mind — it is not emotional.  It doesn’t pine after, long for, or feel as if it’s missing out.  It takes on a whole new set of rules and runs with them — focusing more on all the great things in the forefront and less on the “Can’ts and Don’ts”.  Bypassing forages new paths — doesn’t take the same ol’ path with the same lack of results.  Bypassing creates detours and eliminates the road blocks rather than trying to navigate through the flashing yellow caution lights and “Rough Road Ahead” signs that warn of an impending stall or complete standstill on the road to success.

Practical applications of Bypassing -vs- Passing By?  Be careful as you read — these may sting a little bit!

1.  You (Actually, this was ME, back in the day!) signed up for an intense weight lifting program because you really want to see what you can accomplish in the way of muscle gain.  Your coach says, “I need you to NOT RUN LONG DISTANCES for the duration of the program because it will stall your weight lifting/muscle preservation goals.”  Passing By:  You scroll through the Active.com website for upcoming races (just to see) . Bypassing:  You take yourself to the weight room and resist your urge to scroll … and possibly take the Active.com app off your phone for good measure.

2.  You said that this year you are going to clean up your diet specific to sugar intake because it is your weakness.  Passing By:  Buys several boxes of Girl Scout Cookies (for your kids, of course) and keeps them in pantry, just close enough, but “behind closed doors”, you say.  So you feel “safe”.  May have a few after a solid workout, you know, as a reward.  Bypassing:  Doesn’t have any sugary temptations in the house, at all.

3.  The goal?  Drink less alcohol.  Passing By: Schedules all meetings and social gatherings at places that serve alcohol because of the fear of being judged by colleagues/friends and doesn’t want to look like a teetotaler.  Bypassing:  Tells everyone what the goal is, asks for support and schedules meetings and gatherings at non-alcohol venues OR let’s go of fear of judgment and because of the announcement of goals to others, makes a decision to order water EVERY SINGLE TIME.  Realizes being a teetotaler isn’t the worst thing in life.

4.  You make a resolution to stick to a specific exercise regimen.  Passing By:  Tiptoes around the excuses not to go to the gym today, tomorrow or the next day.   Says “I’ll make up for it” next week or “I’ll actually START next week rather than this week”.  “Am really tired and probably would’t get a good workout anyway.”  Bypassing: Deflects all excuses by creating specific workout appointments with self in the calendar.  These appointments cannot be broken, much like a doctor’s appointment or business meeting.  They are non-negotiable – family members, colleagues and friends are aware of this – and it would take an act of God to reschedule.

5.  You decide to follow a nutrition plan because you want to rein in your diet and drop a few pounds.  Passing By:  It’s ok if I have a cheat day.  I’m taking an 80% / 20% approach because nobody can be perfect.  Bypassing:  Does not begin something with an “out” already in place (20%). Says NO TO SELF with regards to cheat days and gives 100% — spot on as best as possible every day.  Avoids a deviation (of his/her own choosing) at all costs.  Prepares meals (intentional mindset) ahead of time to stay on point knowing that true results require an all out effort, with no room for potential derailment.

Over the years of practice I have personally learned the importance of Bypassing.  It has brought me to a place of Discipline in areas of my life where I can look back and say, “I DID it!  I actually DID IT!!”  And what a feeling that is — to accomplish something you set out to do by taking the action necessary to govern yourself and your decisions.  I want everyone to experience that feeling!  Was I ALWAYS PERFECT in my execution?  No.  Remember, the path to discipline is made through trial and error, failures and a “get back up” mentality.  It requires a relinquishing of the “Passing By” mindset that says, “What will it hurt?  It’ll only be for a minute.  Take that one little moment to comfort yourself.  You deserve to go off your path just a teesny-tiny bit.”  That’s enemy territory, my friends.  Put on your armor and go to war with yourself and your excuses, with the temptations that sneer at you at every turn.  Re-Route, take a detour, navigate a different path, create a new passage.  BYPASS your way to your Disciplined Success!  Fight for it and for yourself on the daily!  And, when you reach that pinnacle you will have the ability, and sincere privilege, to look back and say, “I DID IT!  I ACTUALLY DID IT!!”

Yours in Fitness,

~M

SONY DSC

What is your New Year’s INTENTION?

I ran across a quote a few days ago and could kick myself for not being the one who wrote it.  It sums up what I believe is true about New Year’s Re
solutions (note my most recent blog entry).  Here’s the quote
which, in my humble opinion, is genius.

Ahhh …. there’s the truth of the matter …. Resolutions do indeed scream that something is wrong, something inside of you is broken or flawed or misguided or damaged.  They whisper in your soul’s ear that there’s a nagging negative itch that needs attention and if you were a better person, stronger, more disciplined, and if you held enough power in your own hands, then you most certainly can resolve to change.  However, the problem is that resolutions do not take into account the ebb and flow of everyday life, its difficulties and the effects those things have on our bodies, our spirits, our minds and the ability or inability to change what is (in our own minds) our “problem” area in the way of healthy living, diet, exercise.

Don’t misunderstand me.  I do not condone pure laziness of spirit where there’s never a goal or an effort to better one’s self.  I believe wholeheartedly that there does, indeed, need to be a drive … a force from within that moves us and shapes us, that challenges us and creates an awakening to our full potential.  However, when that force becomes a negative energy that points a finger straight back at your own face and
tells you that you have failed (again) because you didn’t “meet the mark” or blames you for allowing life to stall your efforts … that resolution has turned ugly and will provide nothing more to you than a sense of failure and a “who cares anyway” attitude.

Intention defined by Webster’s Dictionary means this:  To consider a concept that will become the product of one’s attention.  An aim or purpose.  The thing that you plan to do or achieve.

Moving about with an intention … an aim or a purpose/goal allows for gradual progress to be made.  It means you can take time to consider the concept of your purpose/goal (the big picture) and make your success about the bigger picture, the concept, instead of stating a limiting, close-ended resolution where your success or failure rate hinges on accomplishing the specifics (i.e.:  “I’m going to go the gym for at least an hour, 5 days per week without fail! ” or “I promise to cut out all sugars and alcohol and breads”).  What would a better stated intention sound like in reference to these 2 resolutions?  What is the bigger concept … the bigger picture?   How about this:  “In 2016 I intend to create a lifestyle that includes more exercise and less poor eating choices so that I may lead a healthier life”  Your intention can list some ways to accomplish that purpose/goal, but be careful about becoming too specific and thereby setting yourself up for potential failure.

After setting that bigger picture intention and coming up with a do-able plan of action, strive to create a lifestyle switch that will enable you to move forward and progress into lasting change for the better.  The key word here is “lasting”.  Resolutions can truly come and go in the blink of an eye.  Just look at gym attendance in January as opposed to the attendance (or lack thereof) in March.  That disparity is, in and of itself, proof that too many people made grandiose resolutions that they were unable to accomplish, while fewer people created conceptual purposes/goals that put them on the path to success.

So, what is your INTENTION this year?  When you come around to December 31, 2016, what will you have truly accomplished?  My hope is that you come out of this year unscathed by unachievable expectations and you look back on this year’s “spark of magic + manifestation” that you developed at the beginning of the year and that was rooted in “self love and backed with action”  … and  you simply ~smile~ !

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Michele is a “Forty-Something” wife and mother of three who has a passion for all that is fitness! She has 20+ years experience in the health and fitness industry, specializing in functional, athletic-based exercises that incorporate elements of strength, agility, power, rotation, balance and speed. She has had the privilege of working with many types of people with various backgrounds, ranging in age from pre-teen to seniors, men and women alike. Her experience and enthusiasm has led to leadership positions in privately owned facilities, nationally renowned gyms and owner and operator of her own fitness facility.

When she is not helping others achieve their health and fitness goals, she is personally bringing herself to new challenges and achievements. Michele strives to live a fitness life of example to others focusing on her own training and by competing in events that require exercise discipline and focus.

Michele has an undergraduate degree in English Education with a Minor in the Dramatic Arts. Her professional qualifications include Personal Training certificates from Ace and NHCA (National Health Club Association); AFAA (Aerobic and Fitness Association of America) Group Exercise certificates for Kickboxing, Step and Group Fitness Theory & Practice; Silver Sneakers I and II from Health Care Dimensions; Schwinn Cycling Coach from the Nautilus Institute; Cycle Reebok from Reebok University; Mat Pilates from SCW Fitness; Kettlebell Master Trainer status from KFIT USA. She is a member of IDEA Fitness Association and also has certificates in CPR/AED/O2 and First Aid.